OK, I am so procrastinating right now, but I’ve got a belly full of orange chicken and fried rice. I’m just waiting for food to digest. Yeah.

Anyway, so I’m out of Nano. I had no time to write the story I wanted to; basically I was adding my papers and short stories (for my masters application) as “dreams” and then I realized that my Nanowrimo contained more “dreams” than actual story. So I just faced the grim reality of life: I don’t have time for Nanowrimo this year.

I’m also going through writing withdrawal. My fingers are itching to type out characters and conflicts and dialogue. Oh man, I miss Morgan. I was just shy of 100,000 words before the hell that is student teaching began. I miss you Morgan! (I spent about an hour yesterday and wrote 2,000 words on Morgan. I just had to otherwise I was sure I couldn’t survive the night)

You know what’s the interesting thing though? I spent some time writing “Morgan” yesterday and today I’m in a better mood than I have been for a long time. I’ve always said writing keeps me sane.

10:05 pm | Category: Journal, Morgan, Writing | | No Comments

Damn, it’s been a month since I’ve written; tells you how busy I’ve been. I’ve been Hellishly busy, which makes me think the button I bought a few years ago really does describe me: “Don’t tell me to relax. Stress is the glue that keeps me together” because instead of thinking, Okay, you know what? I’m doing enough for right now I decide that I should add one more thing to my plate: Nanowrimo.

I don’t know if I’ll have time for any write-ins.
I don’t know if I’ll have time for writing every day.
I don’t think I’m going to make 50,000 words–but I’m gonna try.

So, I’m going to the kick-off tonight and I have my story in my mind and I’m going to get some words down on the page!

10:32 pm | Category: Nanowrimo, Writing | | 1 Comment

I finally got to the scene in “Morgan” that I’d planned 3 months ago. Yes, I know, a long time to keep something in your head, but I’m not very good with writing out of chronological order. I’d much rather write utter shite and then go back and fix it then write chapter 19 before chapter 4.

Anyway, this is a big day for me because the scene is a sex scene. “Morgan” has been developing for nearly four years. I came up with Morgan, the character, back in 2004 shortly after my first Nanowrimo. In 2005 I wrote my first attempt at a Morgan story for that year’s Nanowrimo and utterly despised the product. I shelved the story for a very long time, coming back to work on it here and there, but it wasn’t until this summer that it all just finally clicked and I’ve steadily been writing “Morgan” since. But, through all those four years, despite all the character changes Morgan has gone through and all the story evolutions, one thing hasn’t changed — who Morgan was going to hook-up with first. And I finally got there!

And in true geeky fashion, I wanted it to be done just right. So, I picked out a perfect playlist of music to listen to while I wrote it and I kept the lights dimmed and typed. The music actually helped quite a bit and I saved the list as “Smex” so next time I write a sex scene it’ll be ready to go in the background. If you’re wondering what my playlist is, here you go:

1. 3 Doors Down - So I Need You (3:50)
2. Christina Stürmer - All I Want (ana ahabak) (3:49)
3. Sinéad O’Connor - Nothing Compares 2 U (5:07)
4. Sophie B. Hawkins - Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover (5:23)
5. The Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch (4:21)
6. buck cherry - Crazy Bitch (3:22)
7. Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (4:52)
8. Kylie Minogue - I Can’t Get You Out Of My Mind (3:50)
9. Live - Deep Enough (3:20)
10. Marcy Playground - Sex And Candy (2:51)
11. Myah Marie - Stiletto Sex (3:30)
12. Greenskeepers - Pussy (feat. Princess Superstar) (GK Remix) (4:12)
13. Prozzak - Sweeping Romance (2:44)
14. Real McCoy - Another Night (3:55)
15. Red Hot Chili Peppers - C’mon Girl (3:48)
16. Scooter - I Was Made For Lovin’ You (3:31)
17. She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart (4:44)
18. Stiltskin - Inside (4:26)
19. The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love (3:38)
20. Yoshika - Loop In My Heart (4:59)

Of course, halfway through the scene John came in and whined he needed to get some food. I muttered, “You realize I’m writing a sex scene and you’re totally killing the mood!” To which he replied, “But wouldn’t you write it better on a full stomach?” So, in the end, I had to leave the lovers hanging so we could go to Eegee’s for sandwiches.

And yes, I’ll leave you with an excerpt. I’m too lazy right now to put it under a cut or anything, so I’ll just let it all hang out. Remember, I haven’t edited or anything yet…

It was a quick kiss, a butterfly touch of lips upon lips. But, it held offers and promises. Morgan pulled back and searched Quinn’s face. His blue eyes were big with surprise and he reached out and grabbed Morgan by the shoulders.

“Morgan—” he began, but Morgan didn’t want him to say anything sensible and logical. And if he mentioned that her past life had been wrong one more time, she may just have to punch him, which wasn’t sexy.

She’d much rather fuck him.

She shook her head slightly, cutting off any questions, and leaned forward to kiss him again, pressing her body against his. Quinn hesitated for only an instant longer before returning the kiss, deepening it, taking it over. He tasted good—sleeping breath and everything aside—feeling his lips play over hers made her tingle and when his tongue ran over her lower lip slowly, Morgan felt desire explode in her abdomen. She hadn’t expected Quinn to be a good kisser. He was tentative, hesitant, but it worked in his favor because he was driving her crazy just by his soft kisses.

*devious laugh* And before anyone says, “Hey, where’s the smut?!” I said I’d give you just an excerpt…a small taste, shall we say? Oh yes, and those of you who know of the Great USB Flash Drive Loss of 2006, do not worry, I backed up everything as soon as I finished the scene. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me…

Oh yes, I found some good advice on how to write kissing and sex scenes. If you’re interested:

10:30 pm | Category: Morgan, Writing | | 1 Comment

As featured on Colbert Report, cockberg! It’s all natural.

*giggle*

(I think working in a middle school is gonna make my humor warped for good.)

8:56 pm | Category: Journal | | No Comments

I sometimes wish I had a magic remote control, like in Click, that would let me pause the world so I don’t have to face something until I’m good and ready for it. Ah, Monday Blues on a Sunday evening. *sigh*

I cleaned out my makeup bag this evening. Yes, very interesting, no? But I realized I still had a half-used powder compact I hadn’t opened since I was a freshman in college, a few tins of eyeshadow I bought and realized the color didn’t suit me, and a bottle of empty Clinique foundation that I seem to have kept in case I need to buy the product again (even though I have since graduated to another type of foundation). So, I emptied all the old stuff out and kept what I use — and a few tins of eyeshadow I couldn’t get rid of just in case (hey, baby steps, right?). My face is completely made up like a mask because I tried out some of those makeups I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep or get rid of. I think in the next hour or two I’ll go wash my face and head to the gym. I feel restless.

I also deleted some 15 pages of “Morgan” today. Morgan gets shot in the thigh, which compliments her other bullet wounds in both shoulders. All these wounds were done to try and incapacitate her, not because anyone was really trying to kill her, however, its proving a unique challenge to try and write someone with bullet wounds. I knew that it took a while to heal bullet wounds, but I didn’t know how long, and then questions started popping in my head: What about physical therapy? Infection? Does she have to go to the hospital? What about pain? While in older times people would have sucked up a bullet wound, probably taken a swig of whiskey, and continued on their merry way, it gets harder to make such behavior believable in a futuristic setting. The principle is the same when there are blackouts. People in by-gone times didn’t have the joys of electricity, but we do, and so when the lights go out I for one suddenly think, Crap, what will I do now? And quickly get antsy and bored. In the future where there is medical miracles, Morgan would be even less equipped to deal with bullet wounds without medical assistance.

However, I wrote 15 pages before I really began thinking about all this stuff and went to my local Barnes & Nobles and Borders to do a bit of research. I also realized I forgot to mention anything about bullet extraction! So, after learning about recovery times (weeks) and the necessary physical/occupational therapy afterwards (especially for those wounds in her shoulders), I decided those 15 pages were going to have to be rewritten. However this may work in my benefit. I can do some character development during Morgan’s downtime, particularly between her and the love interest, and I decided to push the sex scene back 2 chapters, which I think makes the whole thing much more organic and believable. While Morgan has a tendency to jump into bed, Quinn definitely does not.

When I told John all this, he said, “You know, it could have worked the way you were writing it. The bullet could have just gone clean through the thigh, missing the bone. Then you wouldn’t have had to worry about bullet extraction and everything –”

I said, “Don’t tell me that after I deleted the 15 pages. Not listening! La la la la! Besides, it’s definitely better this way.”

7:37 pm | Category: Journal, Morgan, Writing | | No Comments

Ohmigod this week has just kicked my ass. Every time I go home I fall asleep on the sofa and end up taking an hour to two hour nap. Which means I take that much longer to properly fall asleep later. But, on the plus side, I broke 50,000 words with Morgan! Which means I’ve hit the halfway point in the story (I’ll update the word count bars later).

This is the first time I’ve successfully written 50k words outside of Nanowrimo month and I view this as a good sign. Could it be that I’m learning, growing, and becoming more of a successful writer?

One major thing I finally finished was the first, big reveal of the book: Morgan’s past. I don’t know if I like how the reveal came around, but that’s something that can be looked at during revision. Anyway, it wouldn’t be surprising that, since this is the first time Morgan’s truthfully talked about her past in years, that she begins having nightmares again. Here’s one that I’m not quite sure I like:

“Please kid, don’t look at me,” Morgan said, cocking her revolver. It was a simple Colt and it only had one bullet left, yet that bullet already had this young boy’s name on it. “I’m sorry, kid, I really am. You haven’t done anything, I know. Just close your eyes, okay? Just close your eyes.”

Morgan’s breath hitched in a sob and she blinked back tears as she watched the young boy hesitate and then close his eyes. He was a rather brave kid; no tears, no begging, just a solemn expression that, in a way, was worse to witness. The revolver was shaking and Morgan took a deep breath.

“Kid,” she said, “I know you’re gonna be sore over this, and I — well, all I can say is I’m sorry. Someone’s pulling my strings, too.”

Suddenly, the young boy opened his eyes and lunged at her, screaming in anger, tackling her and causing her to fall back onto the floor. The gun fell from her hand and the kid straddled her stomach. His face was a mask of animalistic anger; his lips were drawn back in a sneer and his eyes flashed as he pushed his fingers against her chest, right above her heart. While his hands were curled into claws, they pushed against the skin until she felt it dent inward. Morgan’s head fell back and she stared up at the dark ceiling as the young boy dug into her flesh with his fingers. She felt the pain, but instead of being something horrific, it was liberating — it was right. She should suffer. She heard the sound of her flesh ripping open under the boy’s fingers and felt hot blood pool and flow down her body. She gave a soft sigh, as if she had been holding a breath, and smiled.

While this dream sequence shows things I really wanted to show: the guilt, the perverse yet hidden desire Morgan has for a painful justice, and the mixing of what really happened and what was just a dream built on intense remorse. But, at the end what I really wanted to write was the kid saying, “Kali-ma! Kali-ma!” while digging his fingers into her chest, because come on, it was ripe for reference, even though I don’t agree in perpetuating the myth of a blood-thirsty, cannibalistic cult to Kali. And, hey, I’d already done a Mary Poppins and a Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious reference. Yet, in the end, I resisted sweet, sweet temptation.

10:16 pm | Category: Morgan, Writing | | 1 Comment

Then again, I think English has spoiled me, which has been set up to be ridiculously easy sometimes it borders on the ridiculously difficult — like it goes too far in one direction.

Why am I checking out Russian, you ask? Because a character in “Morgan” is Russian, and, surprisingly, known only as “the Russian.” I don’t think I’ll tell his name — yet. He’s actually what became of another character that I had really liked named (dependent on the draft I was working on): Jonas, Lucas, or Jack. He was meant to be one of the few people that could scare Morgan and, in fact, in the old draft she comments:

Jack “Reaper” Hutton, known in the Underground as the most efficient and deadly killer-for-hire in the civilized world. Morgan, who was one of the few privy to his kill count, always felt her blood running cold when she thought of him. He looked normal enough — perhaps even bordering on the mundane and easily forgettable, the kind of guy the neighbors would probably describe as “nice and quiet” — but Morgan knew if there was one person who could bring her down, it was Jack. At one time, she had been sure that she’d take her last breath while looking into his cold eyes.*

Now parts of Jack have been chopped up and mushed into the Russian character, who has no history with Morgan. I doubt I’ll add Jack “Reaper” Hutton, but who knows? Maybe if this becomes a series (who am I kidding? I already know what I’d like a 2nd book to deal with) there’ll be a place for ol’ Jack.

But, damn, looking up Russian words for the Russian to say is difficult! Especially since the Russian language has a totally different alphabet and there seems to be only a very few Russian dictionaries online that will show the Russian word in the English alphabet (or, as I like to call it, “Runglish” ). I did, however, have much more success finding a website that listed Russian swear words. Go figure.

*Yeah, it’s rough. But that’s why it was a draft. And one that was ultimately completely rewritten, anyway.

10:07 pm | Category: Morgan, Writing | | No Comments

The last three days have been intense. I’ve been running around along with C, my cooperating teacher, trying to get Dodge Middle School — and more specifically, the 8th grade Language Arts class — ready for the new school year that begins August 11th. We’ll see how much it effects my writing, although I can’t completely stop; I’m also currently trying to get my grad. packet together so I can apply for the Creative Writing MFA program at the University of Arizona (another day I’ll post on why I want to have an MFA in Creative Writing, which now the reason of “to improve my writing” is only one reason, and not an all together big one).

Even in just three days, I’ve learned a lot. It’s an eye-opening experience. For example, I never knew how many hours teachers put in, in Arizona, unpaid. C was talking about working out the curriculum, including doing research on new vocabulary books (because she said that’s where the kids had most difficulty last year) in the summer; and then because a lot of our precious planning time was taken up by unnecessary “pep rallies” (as I called them. The district called them “inspirational speeches”) that required commuting and sitting and listening to for hours on two of the three days we had to plan and because we came back to computers that didn’t work and a score of other small, but crippling, problems she didn’t get everything done anyway. As a result, she said she’d have to come in on Saturday to finish. When I commented on how surprised I was just how many unpaid hours she’s putting in, she shook her head and said, “The district knows we’ll work for free, I think they’re testing to see how much free work they can get off us. We’re not going to stand in front of students on Monday with nothing, after all!”* She then added that many weeks, with grading (also on her own time), she puts in 60 hour work weeks. She ironically smiled and added that if one did the math of hours to pay, she was sometimes earning less than minimum wage.

I thought, I had better like this profession or I am fucking screwed.

Perhaps the worse thing was that we worked Wednesday and Thursday without any air conditioning, without working computers, and with a score of other problems. No A/C was the worst because it was also really humid in Dodge, so by the time I came home I was drenched in sweat and exhausted. I skipped out on the gym both days, I just couldn’t deal with more sweating. And there I was trying to look professional, but I probably looked like a drowned rat.

* A friend of mine and John’s, who works at University High School, came back to his room a week early because he was told his room would not be ready on time (by ready I mean cleaned) so he had to do it all himself. Which is when he noticed the closet was full with someone else’s things. He got the custodians to come move it, but whoever had put it there had also taken away the shelves of his closet to make room for the mystery junk! As a result, he spent three days buying wood from Home Depot and putting in shelves because no one else would do it!

1:02 pm | Category: Journal, Teaching | | No Comments

Tomorrow marks the end of my summer break. I’ll be attending teacher planning days, finally meeting other teachers and student teachers. Ah well, it was a nice vacation while it lasted (and I wish it didn’t have to end!).

Where the heck did July go? And where did my list of books I’ve read go?

No matter, I can totally do this by the seat of my pants. Let’s see…

(more…)

11:32 pm | Category: Books | | No Comments

It’s been a while since I posted anything writing-related because, well, I haven’t been having much success in that department. Oh yes, I’ve been spending more time than ever on the computer with a word processor open — to the point where sometimes I strain my eyes and get a headache — but I have written barely 8,000 words since the beginning of this month. Pretty flimsy for me, especially since last month I actually did so well and wrote nearly 20,000 words on “Tayce” in two weeks!

But, I guess that’s the way it is. I guess I burnt myself out for a little while. Ironically, I don’t have an empty plate. I’ve got about 30 pages in “Tayce” I’m editing right now simply because I need to change them. After writing it down, I realized that the setting needed to be changed. I would just continue and worry about editing so deeply later, but the 30 pages include stuff that’s going to be critiqued soon so I will have to change it. I also am critiquing some stuff for John; he’s been working on a strategy game for a while now. He asked me to critique the rules, do some grammar checks, and see what I think — about a month ago. I feel bad for putting it off but the truth is it takes a lot of energy and time to critique his writing.

The big news on “Tayce” is that I figured out the theme. It has to do with memories and the past, two things that seem to rule Tayce’s life. I also realized that the antagonist is fixated on the same two things as well, except her response to both her memories and her past is a little more…violent. It was pointed out to me by the critique group that I have a lot of flashbacks in “Tayce” and as I was reading it all over I realized that, yes, I do. I may do something with the flashbacks if the pace really is affected — I’ve long ago figured out that if I get into heavy editing with anything I will never finish. Little bit here and there is OK — but look, I’m trying to fix 30 pages and it’s slowing me down! If the pace is affected then I will probably cut them or try to write them differently. I already know that one flashback is out the window. It was useless when I wrote it, I knew that but I wrote it anyway. Meh, I could have said the same thing in a paragraph of dialog. Anyway, it was that comment that made me realize the theme. When looking it over I thought, Wow, everyone seems to be stuck on their past. Tayce can’t really move on past her father’s death. She has no close friends besides Cotter, and she kind of secludes herself in a house full of her father’s stuff. I realized that this was something she was going to have to overcome and that the “bad guy” was perfect for it. Wow, I had a theme all along and I didn’t even know it!

P.S.
Wordpress needs to be updated again! And I just updated it to the new script like a month ago. I’m not sure I can keep up with this.

3:21 pm | Category: Tayce, Writing | | 1 Comment