I had to kill one of my darlings yesterday. It was difficult, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that, in the future, I can add it to another story. “It’s not gone,” I told myself, “it’s just not here anymore.” However, it seems that murdering my darlings has been the course as of late. I will say that I do plot, to some extent. I usually write a few points about an important chapter, especially if there is a lot of action in it, so I can see a “blueprint” of what I am trying to do. I also have a skeletal idea of what the story is, and the progression of action, inside my head. I then (hopefully) will add onto that skeleton the many layers of character development and theme and what-not that makes it a good story.

But, lately, I’ve been noticing that sometimes when I hold on too hard to a plot idea, it actually drags at me and slows me down. Morgan is a good example, I have been grappling with this story for nearly a year now. It’s been basically all I’ve been working on (besides a few short stories), and yet I feel my progress has been dismal. However, I’ve slowly begun to let go of the plot ideas and the skeletal framework I had for Morgan since the beginning — and new venues have opened up to me! I was completely surprised at how fresh and new it looked when I just stopped thinking of the story points I had set up as things I had to do and just let the story continue more organically.

The recent, major reworking I did last Friday. I sat down and thought, “Where am I going with all of this? Because it ain’t getting there.” I realized that maybe if I broke up my ideas — putting some away for the second novel in the series, and maybe even cutting away an entire subplot or two — I created a much more dynamic and hopefully thrilling plot line.

This will probably only be of interest to my writing group, who’ve listened to me wrack my brain quite a few times. Thanks guys, by the way. Anyway, so the major difference is the subplot of acquiring the chip, which had been onboard a space station, has become the major plot line. The stuff about Gawl has been eradicated and are awaiting revival in book 2. Although Gawl is mentioned, and the reader learns about Morgan’s past (or enough to deduce most of it), no characters that are tied to Gawl will be introduced yet.

It seems to have worked…I’ve written about 5,000 words since making the change on Friday. I’m a little more sad about the darling I had to kill yesterday. I’m gonna miss that one, and it’ll be a while before I can find a place for it again.

The car has a CD player now and I’ve never had a CD player before. It’s kind of a novelty to be able to listen to CDs in the car. But, I don’t really have any CDs! So after listening to John’s CDs for days and days, over and over, I decided I need to burn some music onto a CD. Which is when I realized I need more music, I’m beginning to get bored of my own selection, which compared to most people I know, is small. So that’s definitely on my list: gotta find some new music.

When I tried burning a CD, my computer kept telling me, “Put in a blank CD.” I’m pretty sure a CD you’ve taken out of the shrink wrapping is blank. John was asleep, so I couldn’t ask him for help. So I saved the 18 tracks onto my USB key and I tried my laptop. The CD player wouldn’t even open! It didn’t even detect the drive! In complete frustration, I finally went to John’s computer and tried it there and finally got success. I hate it when my computer doesn’t work. It always flabbergasts me, I always think, But why? Why aren’t you working? I haven’t done anything. Bah, computers.

So, if anyone has any music they’d like to suggest — nothing about loosing your horse while your lady friend throws whiskey bottles at your head, or about your hoes and bitches getting all up in your face — leave a comment and I’ll go ahuntin’!

So I opened “Morgan” again today and devoted some good time to it. I had been racking my brain, trying to figure out how to write myself out of the corner. How do you make a character do something they’re against? But they’re not against it because it’s against their morals, or because they are a good person, but because they think of themselves as good and moral. People who have woven such ideals into their identity are usually harder to sway.

Finally, I realized that the solution was pretty simple. The offer that was causing the character so many problems was offered over the telephone. Simply delete and rewrite and make it face-to-face. I felt the immediacy — having someone wave money in front of your face and press their advantage, basically saying, “Decide now, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on…” — would make it much more difficult to say no. It’s the salesman approach. We’ll see how it plays out.

When I went back, I realized that I had written the last chapter very late at night, and probably while I was falling asleep (as I have been doing most of this week). What tipped me off? This sentence:

The kitchen was separated by an island with two barstools against it, but it had probably seen less action than a nun’s bedroom.

Yeah, I know. I’m working on it.

Yes, I know I’ve been mysteriously quiet these past few weeks. I blame it entirely on the end of the summer blues, and the beginning of a new school semester. I’ve been writing much less than I’d like, which is a shame, because I was just getting my mojo back. I’ve also been playing way too much Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life, but I justify it by saying that it’s a good stress reliever. Sewing pixelated seeds is just so soothing!

I’ve also got myself in a bind. I’ve already decided which story I’ll work on for NANO. It’s an idea I’ve had for a while but have been putting off because I’ve been working on “Morgan” and I’m very bad at working on two novels at the same time. However, NANOWRIMO requires a fresh slate, and so this idea will be my NANO for this year. However, a few days ago I got a huge idea for the story and quickly jotted down a note so I wouldn’t forget it. Ever since then, my fingers have been itching to write it and I’ve told them over and over, “No! That story is for NANOWRIMO because right now you’re working on Morgan! If we don’t finish at least one novel, we’ll never get published!”

When I bitched about my short attention span to John, he merely shook his head and said, “You really are like a ferret sometimes, you know that?”

It’s funny, my friend, Christine, and I were just talking about how 10 days of vacation time just doesn’t seem like enough when you’re working 40+ hours a week, with minimal health care, and (in the case of many people) still struggling to make ends meet. Then, CNN has an article about it in today’s top stories.

One thing they don’t mention, which I think is a factor, is that American’s don’t take as much time off as many other countries, especially in Europe. I was watching a Travel Channel show that mentioned that Europeans average about a month of travel a year, while Americans average about — you guessed it — ten days. A big reason for this is that we are given less vacation time, sick days, etc. than certain other countries. It seems that for the “richest country in the world,” we aren’t reaping as many benefits as we should and sometimes I feel a little bitter.

Especially on the days when I see John’s medical bills and my student loans.